


Florida Man Wants to Marry “Porn-Filled Apple Computer”

by advancedclass



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 08:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20404942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/advancedclass/pseuds/advancedclass





	Florida Man Wants to Marry “Porn-Filled Apple Computer”

The Society for the Protection of the Sanctity of Marriage (One Man, One Woman) [Preferably in a Church] {Court House and Las Vegas Chapel Acceptable Alternatives} |Elvis Presley Impersonator Mandatory in Las Vegas Chapel Ceremony|, Florida Branch, met in the private room in the back of the Denny's that only Society Members, the manager, the assistant manager (Fran, not Beth), and Gary the Midnight Cleaner knew about.

They met there every month, on the second Sunday of the month, at 1:00 PM, to discuss Marriage License Applications of Concern.

And for brunch (which the Society would underwrite provided all menu items ordered had the word 'slam' in their name; beverage orders were evaluated on a case-by-case basis where cost was generally returned to Members provided the underwriter hadn't seen a suspected homosexual drinking the beverage in the past month).

On this particular Sunday, however, the Members were picking with disinterestedly at their Grand Slamwiches®, All-American Slams®, and even Member Codename Fluffy Snake was poking at his Fit Slam® despite there being, in the cohesive opinion of the other Members, very little to pick at. It was the hottest day of the year (confirmed by the Liberal Weather Channel, for what that was worth) [very little] and the hottest day the city had seen since 1963 according to Chairmember Codename Spearhead (a far more reliable source of information, particularly that information involving weather or things that had happened before 1965). Instead of attacking their food with gusto, they sucked ice water through (PLAIN) straws and shuffled their papers more for the small breeze it would generate than any need to find a particular document. Today, there was only one application that caused real concern and was making their sweaty brows furrow with thought.

"We didn't have a contingency plan for this," Fluffy Snake said at last. "Someone dropped the ball."

Member Codename Pickle, who had not necessarily dropped the ball, but had certainly fumbled at least one ball, sucked angrily at his straw. "I think you're forgetting RD-003."

"A derivative plan for those weird Japanese sex dolls that was copied almost wholesale from the original IT-000 outlines?" Fluffy Snake sneered. "Maybe if you'd actually done a lick of original work on RD-003 we could use it as a jump-off point, but the entire document as provided by you, Pickle, was steeped indivisibly in the fact that the dolls are shaped like women with the necessary orifices."

"Actually," Member Codename Sphere mumbled around his straw, "it depends on the model purchased and the bulk of the manufacturing takes place in America, not overseas." Fluffy Snake and Pickle both turned to look at Sphere who slid a bit further down the back of his chair. "I just think we should give our American manufacturing sector credit where credit is due and now allow the Liberal Media to make us forget about the backbone of our country. America's important, guys!"

While Fluffy Snake and Pickle rarely agreed on the finer points of Society matters, in that moment they shared a look and were united in a singular disgusted thought: _LEGACIES_.

Spearhead, showing the qualities that made him a true leader, put a stop to any further derailment by Sphere. "Is it one of those fancy little eyepodes?"

There was the sound of shuffling as everyone checked their papers while deciphering Spearhead's words. Finally, Pickle said, "An Apple Macintosh computer, yes sir."

"The woman of computers, if I understand it," Spearhead said wisely, sucking air through his straw, his water glass empty. "And the man in question, what did he say the machine was primarily for?"

Fluffy Snake was quick to Spearhead's aid. "He mentioned on his Application that it was full of pornographic material, sir."

"Then," Spearhead said after a moment of wise mastication on his straw, "I think there's only one thing we need to find out before allowing or dismissing this application. Are there women in it?"


End file.
